Fat, sick, and more-than-nearly dehydrated

New blog time, bitches!

I don’t particularly have a lot to say right now, but have a ton of GIFs saved with blog stuff in mind.

This isn’t one of them, it’s just amazing.

Anyway, so… what’s been going on since the last post?  Well, I’ve been sick for WEEKS now.

I had gone to the doctor for one of my weekly check-ins and was starting to feel like I was starting to get a cold the night before.  I was told I had an upper respiratory infection and that it’d last a couple of weeks.

Uh huh, whatever doc, I have a small cold.  I’ll power right through it.

WRONG!

So the cold ended up getting worse and I was fairly positive that I had pneumonia.  I was scared that all of the coughing was going to be bad for my new innards.  I knew I was somewhat dehydrated, so I figured that hitting up the ER wouldn’t hurt… get some fluids, check out my lungs, whatever.  So I get to the ER and I’m like CRAZY winded walking in the door.  I get put into a room almost immediately and they were treating me like I’m bleeding out or something.  Hooking me up to all this equipment, asking me a million frantic questions, and getting me into a hospital gown right in front of them (usually I’m given privacy, whatever, nothing they haven’t seen before).  They checked my pulse and blood pressure and were like “Uhhhhh yeah we should put her in the next room”.  Apparently I was CRAZY dehydrated and my heart rate was 180, so they put me in the room with the extra equipment in case I dropped dead or whatever.  Rad.

After multiple attempts, they were able to get an IV placed and got my starting to re-hydrate.  They gave me 3 or 4 bags of fluid, but my pulse still raced any time I moved!  They did a portable chest x-ray, no pneumonia that they saw.  The meds they gave me to stop coughing didn’t really help and I seriously couldn’t blow my nose without making the heart monitor start beeping, so they decided to admit me to the hospital and see if they could stabilize things.

One of the good things about this hospitalization is that I basically HAVE to eat something.  If I’m home alone and don’t feel up to it, I don’t bother.  But in the hospital, there’s a menu and a feeding schedule (lol like you can only get breakfast certain hours and stuff) and people coming in constantly to make sure you’re doing what you’re supposed to.  Now, this menu was not bariatric or veg-friendly, really.  My first meal was a scoop of (friggin incredible) mashed potatoes and a small fruit cup.  I had scrambled eggs with salsa and a side of fruit for breakfast, snacked on raw veggies and salad dressing throughout the day, and generally skipped dinner because the snacking filled me up.  I felt the best after breakfast, probably because I got a bit of protein.

I was in the hospital for three days.  They never officially figured out what was wrong with me (whether it was the flu or what) and by the time I was discharged, I honestly felt worse.  I knew I was still dehydrated (I had about 7 total bags of fluids, they had it dripping SUPER slow to keep my veins from exploding), they had found I was allergic to a certain antibiotic, I had the worst migraine I can recall ever having, and I gained like five pounds while I was there because of the re-hydrating.

I wonder if I had just stuck with the natural methods of getting healthy, if I would’ve felt better faster.

I’ve been coughing and junk for a few days short of a month now.

I had another appointment with my doctor about a week later.  I knew I was dehydrated but really felt pretty much okay, aside from being sick.  My heart rate was still up and they asked me if I’ve been drinking water.

I explained that it is physically impossible for me to drink what is expected of me.  (I’m not even being a spoiled brat or anything right now, it seriously doesn’t work for me!)  Anyway, they decided I needed another freaking IV.  They tried three times into the office, without the numbing shot.  OW!!!  Then I sat in a room alone for an hour while they tried to figure out what to do next.  I tried to learn some German on Duolingo for distraction.  I ended up getting sent to the Urgent Care clinic, got two more IV pokes before getting a winner.  They could only give me 3 bags of fluid and people KEPT coming in asking I was feeling better as it was going on.  I felt exactly the same.  What were they expecting?

No. It doesn’t work like that for me.  Maybe after like, 20 bags.  So no, I still walk around like a friggin zombie.

My heart can’t keep up with the lack of hydration and nutrition.  I can walk on the treadmill on occasion, but standing still just kills me.  I’m so weak in the shower that I end up on my hands and knees.

I appear to be losing a bit of weight again, though.  I need to measure my inches, because clothes aren’t fitting anymore.

This was totally me on Superbowl Sunday:

I’ve gotta retire the jeans I was wearing, they aren’t working for me anymore.  For the time being, it’s gonna be all pajamas and gym clothes.

I’m getting an MRI on Monday morning to check out my abdomen and I see my doctor again later this month.  Hopefully things will be better by then?

Oh, hey, I made an Instagram account for Done being big, go check it out.

Thanks for your support, everyone!

Food is a dirty, dirty tramp.

So I stole had a grand idea. If I use GIFs, I can write less and still make a point.

This is brilliant, and perhaps I’ll write posting more.

Anyway, today I would like to talk about food and how it’s been a part of my life lately.  After my surgery, I was on a liquid diet for 26 days. It really wasn’t that bad, some of the time.

Depending on the day and what I could tolerate, I mostly lived on Propel, licorice tea, water, a bit of pop, and protein drinks in whatever way I could force down. (I tried mixing protein powder with water, hot chocolate, juice, broth… the thought makes me sick.)

I was so weak during this time because I was sooooo dehydrated and lacking protein. I could barely walk. I couldn’t shower unless someone else was at the house, out of fear that I would black out. I would have the most bizarre cravings, too. I recommend keeping a list of the things you come up with, it’s pretty funny later on. (I don’t have mine in front of me, but I remember craving reheated food (it HAD to be reheated… I don’t even…), the smell of Jack in the Box tacos, certain meats (keeping in mind that I don’t EAT meat and haven’t since I was a child), and like, the taste of burps after eating broccoli or something.

It was pretty entertaining. I would crave those things, but really had no desire to eat. It wasn’t anything I had any intention of acting on. I would allow myself to feel the craving and generally once I acknowledged it, it would pass. I didn’t feel hunger until my period. That was probably the first time I was like “Screw this, I need food now.”. But I kept on my path.

As mentioned, I had my post-op appointment and after that I was cleared to eat soft foods. You’d think I would be all:

Right? Yeahhhh, no. I ended up in the ER for pretty severe dehydration. I still felt like shit after being released, but hit up my local health food store to pick up some food/drink to test out.

I had my first real food in the evening on 12/20. I had these:

I had been dreaming of these beans for ages. I used to eat a whole container of them mixed with a whole bag of salad, a roma tomato, a small can of sliced black beans, ranch dressing, green onion, and crushed tortilla chips as a taco salad. It probably weighed like two pounds. Yikes. Anyway, I didn’t really want to eat at the time, but knew I needed the protein so I tested it out.

I may *look* okay here, but felt like ASS.

I basically dipped a fork in the container a few times. It was tasty. But a few hours later, OMG. I was in the bathroom for like two hours.

I was in unbelievable pain. Like awful period cramps. I used to get like this at times, with whatever digestive issue I have. (Colitis, IBS, IBD, Crohn’s… depends on who you ask) My body was doing all it could to get the food OUT of me. I was in pain, wanted to puke, wanted to die – it was just awful. I was minutes from calling an ambulance.  This pain went on most every time I ingested anything food-like for about two weeks.

Things have since improved, to an extent. I saw my regular doctor, that took my issues seriously. I took Lomotil for the cramps (same thing I had to take before surgery) and eventually didn’t need to take it. I’ve been going in weekly for checkups with the doctor. The pain and cramping stopped, but I also didn’t have a bowel movement for ten-ish days. I’m still dehydrated, not getting enough potassium, sugar, calories, or protein, but am able to get around a bit now.

I am now free to eat most anything, I guess. Honestly, with all the issues I’ve been having (I know, I’m not properly explaining all those things, I’m an awful writer), I’ve had to throw the rules out the window, to an extent.

As this point, I’m just focusing on chewing properly, taking my time, learning what is/isn’t going to make me sick.

I have felt so much better. It really is the little things. NOT being doubled over in pain all the time is pretty liberating. I’ve felt almost unstoppable at times.

The bad part for me is when the damn period returns. It seems I must eat all the things.

I am on my period right now and my brain keeps telling me to snack. It blows. I am still nowhere near getting the calorie intake, but have gotten better about finding ways to incorporate potassium and protein. I really am feeling a bit better. I’ve gone to the gym twice. That’s the goal, to really get going there.

I had more to say, but this has taken me HOURS to write because I get distracted so easily. I have to go.

Post-surgery follow-up

I went to my 3 week follow up appointment at Swedish 12/19/13.  I ended up being late, partially due to the awful new phone system they have.  I don’t want to get into that though.  I had the most difficult time finding parking than I ever had.  I was walking with a cane because I’m so incredibly weak, and had to stop and sit whenever seating was available.  So I was about 30 minutes late for the nutrition group appointment.  The other people in the group also had surgery roughly within the past month.  We learned about transitioning to soft foods and what is/isn’t allowed. Lots of questions were asked, not many were actually answered.  I feel like the people running this meeting should have more experience with this stuff.  The lady is perfectly nice, she would make a fine friend, but the not knowing the answers thing got pretty frustrating.  We were given a bunch of paperwork with food lists and other things to keep an eye on.  After the group appointment, we were sent to wait for our individual incision check.  I spoke with a woman and her husband while in the waiting room – she was much smaller than I was (like, MUCH smaller, I wonder if she has some other medical issue requiring rapid weight loss – not that she had much at all to lose) and she said she gave up and had started eating a few days ago.  Psh, can we do that?  Why wasn’t I a rebel? I got weighed and their scale said I was about 10 pounds more than my home scale says.  Say whaaaat?  Anyway, I got put in a room, and the nutritionist came in while I waited for my wound check.  She wanted to make sure I didn’t miss anything since I was late for the group part.  She’s much better 1 on 1.  I told her about how I was not doing well with protein intake or shakes and how even the mention of certain foods were making me nauseous.  She advised that I take a week off from the shakes and the vitamins and just focus on starting the soft foods.  The logic there is that if something makes me sick, I would know it’s not the shake or supplement.  She gave me a direct line to reach her so I don’t have to deal with the stupid answering service, a card that says to please sell me food at a reduced price because I had surgery, and an additional food list that others don’t get until their next appointment, in hopes that I would get more food ideas since I have all these food rules.  A surgeon came in (he checked me once while I was in the hospital, but wasn’t in the operating room with me as far as I know) and said everything looked normal.  Me with my open and infected wounds, barely able to breathe, and nearly in tears because I’m so exhausted.  Whatever.  He did tell me to ignore their scale and keep going by the one that I use the most.  He kept trying to send me out and I’m like dude these incisions need covering, so he did so with dry gauze (really fun when that sticks – thanks doc), told me I was doing well, and basically sent me on my way. The drive home was pretty bad, I was really physically uncomfortable and was probably a bit too weak to drive.  Even though I was given the OK to begin eating soft foods, the thought made me sick.  I was so discouraged by the whole event, that I went home and slept.  I was in the ER about 12 hours after I got home from that appointment.  More about that later.

The longer I wait to post, the more there is to post.

So basically, I’m a failure at blogging.  I had planned to explain all about my pre-op appointment, the pre-op diet, my concerns before going into surgery, getting a bunch of pre-op pictures, surgery day, my time in the hospital, recovery, and the post-op diet.  Yeahhh, I didn’t do any of that.

I’m a day short of three weeks since surgery.  I do have some pictures to share with you and will post videos on YouTube, but not today.  This post is mostly just to check in and prove that I am alive.

The surgery itself did go well, I have had some complications since, and right now I wouldn’t do this again.  I know I will feel better about it later and end up thankful for the whole thing, but right now I’m just totally not a fan of weight loss surgery.  I have lost weight and stuff, but can’t help but wonder why I didn’t try harder to just do this without surgery.  I don’t think I really thought this through.  I don’t think I tried hard enough before.

To those of you reading this and are in the process of getting surgery or considering it – please don’t let me discourage you.  Just PLEASE get used to drinking the goddamn protein.  My life would be tons easier if I could choke that crap down.  I mean, there have been other complications, but that part has been the worst.  I feel like I’m dying all the time because I’m so malnourished.  I mean, more so than I should be.

Anyway, yes – I am alive.  I’m at least 30 pounds down.  I weigh myself on Mondays, so I’ll know later today how much progress has been made.

Checking in, concerns, complaints

Finding vitamins is HARD.

I’m in the middle of attempting to shop for vitamins right now and I’m ready to punch a small child.*  I’ve tried doing this multiple times and get too frustrated and give up.  I’ve got my weight loss surgery binder on my lap right now, so I’m accurately able to list what is required from Swedish Weight Loss Services.  This is what is recommended for the RNY.  I’m paraphrasing in parts.

• Multivitamin – Bariatric specific multivitamin in liquid/chewable form for the first three months.  If you opt to take a bariatric surgery specific multivitamin, choose a general adult multivitamin that contains 100% of daily value for at least 2/3 of nutrients and take double the dose.
• Calcium Citrate – 1500 mg daily
• Vitamin B12 – Sublingual or liquid drops.  1000 mcg daily
• Iron – I’m glad I’m reading this clearly now… I’m not positive exactly how much I need!
• Vitamin D3 – Unsure of this as well.  There is recommended amounts, but both are dependent on labs.  I was only told my labs looked good
• Prilosec/Protonix/Prevacid/Nexium – I’ve taken Prevacid for years.  I have plenty
• B50/B50 Complex – Suggested.  Depends on how much is in the multivitamin.  Also dependent on labs
• Probiotics – Highly suggested

Okay, so this list doesn’t seem THAT hard, right?  WRONG.  Finding vegan vitamins on a fixed income is seriously not recommended.  It will make you wanna jump off something tall.  I am SO FRUSTRATED.  I decided tonight to just power through and order stuff.  I’ve had a lot of trouble finding a vegan multivitamin that meets the requirements given AND that I can afford.  I don’t freaking care anymore, so I got on the Baritatric Advantage page.  I started searching for coupon links and stuff and came across Bariatric Advantage® RECOVER®. According to the site, you work with your surgeon to apply for assistance in getting vitamins.  It appears they only help 500-1000 people per year, and considering it’s mid-October now, I’m not sure if I’ll have any luck.  I’ll call Swedish first thing in the morning and see if it’s an option.  At this point, I’d rather something I can afford and just do everything else as plant-based as possible.  I can handle three months of vitamins with potentially non-vegan ingredients.  I can play the “ignorance is bliss” card for 90 days, right?  I HATE THIS.

I need to get the vitamin/supplement situation figured out ASAP.  I called Swedish to check in on my status and it sounds like I may have been submitted for insurance already!  WHAT?!  When I go in for my final pre-op appointment (sounds like it’ll be 2-3 weeks before surgery) I need to have my vitamins and proteins with me for them to check.  Craaaaaaap!

(Also, I forget if I said – I was given a new CPAP machine.  I went to get the info downloaded off my first one and nothing showed!  The settings were changed for the new one and I’m not sure if this one is working correctly either, but I go back to LinCare on Friday to check in on that.  So sick of this machine, I’m wearing it right now.)

*Done Being Big does not condone punching small children.  Don’t be a moron.

Down Endoscope

Yesterday I headed down to Swedish for my lab work and endoscopy. Getting ready for it was more stressful than the day itself! With all the drugs they put you on for the actual procedure, you can’t be released without a driver. My friend had to pull out a couple of days beforehand, so it was a frantic rush to find a ride or cancel before they tacked on extra charges. Thankfully, I was able to find someone!

I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I did have a colonoscopy/endoscopy a few years ago, but don’t remember much. We got to Swedish and frantically tried to find the lab. The signage and info desk lady weren’t terribly helpful. Anyway, got checked in and was taken back to what they called a “mini-lab”. It was this tiny room with three ladies hard at work – only room for one patient at a time. I let them know I was a difficult person to get blood from and the tech was very sensitive to that. I wish I had gotten her name so I could give her props! They took 8 vials of blood, testing for iron and B-12 and that sort of thing. It sucked, but could’ve gone much worse. They wanted a urine sample, but after 12 hours of no food or drink, it simply wasn’t happening. I said I’d come back to the lab after the procedure and try again.

After the blood draw, my friend and I headed up to the endoscopy area. The same lady checked me in there, somehow! We were only in the waiting room for a couple of minutes before being called back. It was a really nice place! Very clean with state-of-the-art equipment. It’s gonna sound silly, but I felt more confident about the whole thing because my room number was the same as my parents’ address, haha. That and I only had to take my top off and switch to a hospital gown. I got to keep my bra and everything from the waist down on. I generally find it easier to relax when I have my pants on.

A nurse asked me a bunch of questions (confirming meds, making sure their records were correct – nothing major) while another got me set up with a blood pressure cuff, one of those finger monitor thingies, and an IV. Four different people told me I needn’t worry about about the actual procedure, because Dr. McMahon is heavy with the drugs. All of the staff was excellent, they kept me calm with lots of jokes. As I was getting wheeled into the room, I was cracking up. Things got hectic as they were preparing for the endoscopy, but assured me that they had done it five times earlier in the day with no complications at all. My surgeon greeted me and I was instantly comforted. I’m not positive why, I’ve only seen him twice before. Anyway, they got me hooked up to oxygen, had me turn on my left side, and Dr. McMahon started to give me Versed. Hoooooooooly SHIT. First of all – OW?! It burned in my veins. They assured me it was totally normal. I felt like my lungs were being squished and started coughing a bunch. Again, apparently totally normal. I started feeling super dizzy and said “Man, this stuff works quick!” and that’s all I remember. I remember like two flashes from after it was over, but really don’t remember anything until we were almost to my friend’s house.

I was worried that I wouldn’t remember any results they gave me – and I don’t. I know they planned to take biopsies in multiple areas and I’ll hear about that later on. I see from a paper that I still have a hiatal hernia (they’ll fix that during surgery) and gastritis. Hopefully the lab work and biopsy results are favorable… I’ll find all that out in two weeks. Aside from some mild bruising on my arm, I’m totally fine! I slept a ton, but my throat is fine and all that. Yay!

I need to stop being an asshole and figure out a way to sleep while wearing my CPAP (I brought it for the endoscopy but they didn’t use it!) so I can get my final sleep study and get the ball rolling. I started back in counseling the other day, that was another one of my requirements. I missed my counselor, he’s good people.

Anyway, still on track for surgery! I’m getting scared but excited!

The “P” word.

Ohhh, protein. The dreaded p-word. Probably the main thing I get asked about when people hear that I’m on a plant-based diet. But now, getting weight loss surgery? It’s a big deal. Those first three weeks after surgery. I’m on a liquid diet. The goal is to drink 60 ml or 2 oz of liquid protein supplement every hour, to get 100+ grams of protein and 800-1000 calories per day. (I’m also supposed to sip 4-6+ ounces of calorie-free, caffeine-free, non-carbonated beverages every hour too. Ugh.) I won’t be free to really get into normal foods and stuff til like three months out.

Anyway, I shouldn’t get into all that now. I’m just here to talk about alternative sources of protein today. Now, I cant act like I get enough protein now. I mean, some days I do, I’m sure. I don’t recall having my protein levels tested, so I’m not sure how I’m doing with all that. I eat a LOT of beans. Love me some beans, for sure. The problem with that is the bean shells may be difficult to digest after surgery and should be avoided. Boo. So what else can I eat?

There is all sorts of complicated info about complete proteins and amino acids and all that. I could go into it but since I really don’t understand it myself, it wouldn’t go well. So I went through a LOT of links and found two good ones that explain the confusing stuff and have examples of how much protein is in various plant-based items.

1. “How do you get enough protein on a plant-based diet?”

2. “Protein in the Vegan Diet”

You don’t have to be on a plant-based diet to use this info. Anyone that takes a special interest in protein intake can use the info. I wish I had more to say about it, but at this point I’m still learning myself. I could share stuff I saved from Pinterest, but really, those two links cover the basics pretty well. I haven’t met a nutritionist that is supportive of my diet yet, but my personal trainer is vegan and is a good source of info.

I will definitely have more to say about this as I progress through this whole thing, but for now, that’s it!

I feel like a scuba diver.

As I’m typing this, I’m using my new CPAP. Boo. I got it today, as a condition of getting gastric bypass surgery. As previously mentioned, I did NOT want to do this. This was the main thing I was worried about. And honestly… so far, it isn’t that bad! I did start panicking and crying when first trying it on in the office, but it’s gotten better. I’m not ready to sleep with it on, but I have been using it while watching TV for a few hours now. Quite possibly longer than I used the last one altogether. In the interest of documenting as much as possible, here is the setup I’m working with.

RESmart® Auto CPAP Machine with Humidifier

Swift™ FX for Her

I feel like I should be snorkeling. I got the stuff though Lincare. The chick that helped me was really nice, really patient and supportive. She had me try the nasal pillows (what was prescribed) and a newer version of the full mask (updated from what I had before). I appreciated getting to try both. I can see myself ending up with the full mask if I have to keep this up after surgery, but I feel pretty positive about using this thing for now.

Now that I have the CPAP and am using it, I can call Swedish Weight Loss Services and schedule the next few steps towards the surgery.

Getting closer!

Setback.

I haven’t been able to properly focus the past few days, so forgive me if this doesn’t make much sense.

So yesterday I got the results from my sleep study the previous week.  Even though I knew deep down I wouldn’t hear what I wanted, I really hoped they would tell me that everything went well, I’m done with everything on their end and that I continue on and get the damn RNY.

Nope.

I don’t have the paperwork with the exact numbers handy, but I believe I stopped breathing 11 times an hour during regular sleep, and like 35 times an hour during REM sleep? I believe the doctor said it was moderate sleep apnea, and it has to be treated.

I started crying immediately.

The doctor explained that I am more than welcome to look into getting a mouth guard thing instead of the CPAP, but that insurance may not cover it, it is not as effective, and the steps towards surgery would take much longer. She was supportive if that was the route I had to take, but I want to freaking surgery already, so I said I would try the CPAP again. Sigh. Luckily the doctor was really understanding of my anxiety about it all and is trying to keep things as simply as possible.

I missed the call today to get the equipment, I’ll try to get that all squared away before the weekend. I have a new sleep study (GAH!!!) in a couple weeks and the follow up from that in six-freaking-weeks.

It totally blows that things are getting pushed back even more. I’m going to call the nurse coordinator at my surgeon’s office and see if there is anything I can do to speed things along. Cant hurt to ask, right?