***Okay – I wrote this at the end of March, but never posted. I’ll explain why in the upcoming post. Stay tuned.***
Ermegerd, a new blerg! (Topical, no?)
I know I haven’t written in a while, but…
Honestly, not a ton has changed with me since the last post. I mean, around me – yes. A ton. A lot has gone down in my world. But I physically feel like poo still.
I couldn’t even tell you how many appointments/test I’ve gone through lately.
No real major results or answers so far to explain why I’m feeling so weak and sick and stuff. Now that my parents know, I guess it’s safe to post on here that during my 800 tests they found masses in my liver, a nodule in my right lung, and cysts on my right ovary. So trying to find out what all that is adds to the test mountain.
But yeah, for the most part, I feel like ass. I went to the dollar store last week and felt so… gross as I looked around. I was wandering like mad, my heart was pounding, and I couldn’t make sense of things. As I got to the checkout, my body told me I needed to sit.
It seems like if I’m moving, it’s not so bad, but standing still… forget it. I thought I could power through the checkout process, but just after I swiped my card and entered my PIN I was getting tunnel vision and things started slowing down. I told the cashier that I knew it sounded odd, but asked if it was cool if I sat down for a minute. She looked puzzled but said that was fine. I took two steps and everything sounded all muffled and then I was down.
Anyway, so that was fun. Made for a good story.
What else has been going on? Oh, right…
My clothes simply don’t fit. My centaur body is reaching it’s full potential – from the waist up I’m losing, but my giant ass is the same. (That isn’t true, I’m down like 4-ish pant sizes) I’m having to dig out older clothes some of the time. I’m kicking myself, because roughly a year before surgery, I decided I would never lose much weight (I half-ass looked into surgery and was told it wouldn’t be possible without knee/hip damage) and donated a TON of clothes. Anyway, it’s really obnoxious, because even if I did know what size I was, no brands are consistent. I did try to buy a pair of scrubs pants and a cute top, but I’m used to old sizes and that stuff is too big. So for now, it’s a gamble with my old stuff, trying to figure out what fits.
***I didn’t finish this post and so much time has passed since I wrote it, that I decided to put it up as-is. Current post in the works!***